Guide to Opening Up About Being Pregnant
Opening up about pregnancy takes so much courage! You might think telling others that you are pregnant is just too hard, but sooner or later you will need to do it. This guide was created to help you navigate this process by revealing the basics (why, who, & how) on opening up.
Why you need to open up to others?
In all types of hard times, every person needs loving supportive people around them. It is no different for you now that you are pregnant. Here are three simple reasons to open up to others:
- Because Opening Up Gives Others the Opportunity to Love, Comfort, and Help You – If people do not know you are struggling, they cannot offer the love and help that they are more than happy to provide. Whenever people face tough circumstances of any kind, they need people to surround them to remind them they are loved and valued. If you do not open up, the people you know will not be able to love, surround, and support you where you are.
- Because Isolation is Unhealthy and Can Lead to Regretful Decisions – If you do not open up, you are likely to make decisions based on fear, shame, and anxiety. Opening up helps relieve these strangling emotions to help you make clearer decisions.
- Because Opening Up Gives You Access to Wisdom – There are a lot of wise people out there who have been through hard times like you. If you open up, you will be able to hear their wisdom that could inspire you in your situation.
Who Do I Need to Open Up To?
There are a number of people, like the ones listed below, that God will lead you to open up to. In short, you are looking for wise, trustworthy, and loving people who are good listeners. (Note: You should NOT open up to someone who might be abusive. If that is a threat, be sure to reach out to the National Domestic Abuse Hotline.)
- A Trusted Mentor – This could be a teacher at your school, a youth volunteer at your church, a wise parent of one of your friends, or someone else.
- Your Parent(s) – Your parents might be the hardest people to tell about your pregnancy. But if you know they are “safe” people, they should be some of the first you tell about your pregnancy.
- Trusted Friend(s) – Do you have a friend who is trustworthy, wise, kind, and is a good listener? This could be a great person to share your pregnancy with to help you deal with the confusion and pain you might be experiencing.
- The Father of the Baby – Eventually the father of the baby will need to know about the pregnancy. Depending on your circumstance, the timing and how you tell him will be different. Whether you are in a romantic relationship with him or the pregnancy resulted from a one-time sexual encounter, you may need some help on how to start this conversation. More direction on navigating these various scenarios is listed further down this resource.
- Someone in the In This With You Movement – Are there any people in your social media community that have identified with the ITWY movement? If yes, they are great people to reach out to.
How do I Pick a Way to Open Up?
There is no perfect way to tell someone you are pregnant, but we encourage you to read through a few options (written note, text message, or in person) below. Then ask God in prayer to speak to you which way is best for the different people that you need to tell. God will lead you!
1. Leave a Written Note – Writing a note is a good option for the following reasons:
- It allows you to say exactly what you want to.
- It gives the recipient of the note time to sort through their immediate emotional reaction without you in the room.
- It provides a safety buffer between you and the person if you feel they might be verbally or physically abusive when they find out.
Dear Mom and Dad,
This is really hard for me to say, but I know I need to tell you and this seems like the best way. I am pregnant. I know we will need to talk about this in person, but it would have been hard for me to tell you face to face. I love you both. I’m sorry if you are upset. I will see you tonight after I get home from school.
2. Send a Text Message – Much like writing a note, a text message could be a good option for you, but could create some negative responses. The person could text back right away and will probably be writing in a state of shock. This could cause them to say things in the moment that they wouldn’t say if they calmed down.
Text Message Example
Hey Suzy… I’m pregnant. I really need someone safe to sit with and talk to. I know you can’t fix me, and I’m not asking you to. I just need a friend. Can we sit down tomorrow if you are free? Please keep this to yourself for now. I love you. Thank you.
3. Tell Them in Person – Depending on your situation, telling someone in person, like your parents or a mentor, might be a great option. Here are some things to consider about this option:
- Do NOT open up in person if you fear that they will be verbally or physically abusive. If that is a threat, be sure to reach out to the National Domestic Abuse Hotline.
- It may be a good thing to bring along a friend with you who already knows you are pregnant when telling someone else for the first time.
- Realize that when you open up in person, you will be dealing with people’s immediate reactions that might not be easy to handle for you in the moment. They might be grieved, feel responsible, shocked, or shameful. Yet they might also greet you with open arms and hug you and speak kind words to you. Be brave and ask God to protect you and your heart.
Sample Opening Up in Person Script
You: “Mom, I really need to talk to you, can we go to my bedroom and sit down?”
Mother: “Oh, is there anything wrong?”
You: “Let’s just talk when we get to my room.”
You (in the Room): “Mom, It’s hard for me to tell you this, but I’m pregnant. I wanted to tell you in person, because I trust you. I know I have a lot to sort through in life now, but I know I needed to tell you.”